So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
