she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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