Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
This toilet bowl is my home.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
