He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
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i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
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I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
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