Can Purell be used as lube?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
