is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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