mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
