this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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