there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize