Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
