Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
