Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
