capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
