this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
