I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
