She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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