So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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