I'm pants shitting drunk right now
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
