my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I need to align my fucking chakras
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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