I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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