are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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