There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
