Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
