how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
