he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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