This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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