You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
