I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
