there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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