On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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