Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
