Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
