i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
