I can text with my tongue
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
