I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
