I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
