I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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