A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
