he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Drake has all the answers
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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