Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
