They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
