Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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