marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
