I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
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he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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