I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
