final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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