I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
