Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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