went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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