need another drink. this is the easiest way
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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