So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
