i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
