I can't breathe out the right side of my face
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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