Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
