he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
