Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
40s are totally the cure
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
