I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
