I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
