i permit you to call me
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
