I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
