I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
