Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
