I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
