oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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