I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
