so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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