i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
